The Struggle Is Real And Maybe Signs Are Too?

I try to put a positive spin on things as much as possible, but sometimes there are those that just can’t see the positives.  Losing my husband in the accident was the worst day of our life.  We would have him back with us in a heartbeat if it was an option.  However, I look at my two healthy, smiling, loving kids and I know from the bottom of my heart that if one or both of them weren’t here and my husband and I were, we would have not been able to live with ourselves, much less together.

His family struggles.  A lot.  I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child.  I’m not sure how I would cope if the kids weren’t here to keep me going much less if it was one of my children.  Don’t get me wrong, we struggle too but we do a lot of work to maintain functionality.  We started therapy immediately following the accident, we talk about it – all of the time, I encourage the kids to talk freely about their Daddy and his name goes on every drawing the kids do.  At times it’s relentless, but if that’s how they need to express how they are feeling then so be it.  To date, his family has not tried to find someone to talk to and instead crawl into a dark hole.  I try very very hard to accommodate their schedules and requests but I worry as the kids get older and busier, what they are going to grasp to if they can’t find themselves a bit of inner peace?

What started this rant?  His dad stopped by today to bring the kids ice cream but they are camping with my dad.  He started to go on about his depression and how he can’t get out of his funk (normal).  Up on the hill was a cardinal.  I almost giggled out loud.  I am less than religious but sometimes I just wonder if signs could be real.

I guess he owes me another one for listening to his Dad rant today.  I have a feeling he was probably giggling at me talking/tolerating to his Dad and crying at the same time.  I wish he was here to tell him to pull himself together – he was the only one who could get away with that.  At the very least it brings a smile to all of our faces every time we see a cardinal and wonder if it’s possible that there’s someone looking down on us?  I doubt it, but if it makes us smile – who cares!  I also ate one of the DQ blizzards and it was awesome….

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