I haven’t blogged lately because honestly, life has been busy and I haven’t felt the need to rant anonymously because overall, life has been decent. However, it’s time to address one thing on my list – evaluate what I want out of a relationship.
I have been in a relationship with a long-time friend for about 3 years now. We got together shortly after my husband died. He was a good person to talk to. He knew me well enough that I didn’t have to retell my life story. We had dated over a decade ago – it was still oddly famliar. Maybe we jumped in too fast, maybe not. I don’t think there’s a true time limit on that after having gone through it.
When we first got together he swore he would love my kids like his own, I considered having another kid, he was around more and gave a shit. Over time, he was around less, rarely sees the kids (and me), and is mad that I chose to not go to his family gatherings because let’s face it, we are in limbo and I’m not one for presenting a false circumstance (oh, and he didn’t ask me to go, just got mad when I didn’t). So why would I ever think I was wanted there other than for show?
He went on a few vacations lately and didn’t even let me know he got there safely (correct, I was not with him). WTF is that. After 3 years, have a little respect. Oh, and there’s been no sex lately either – strike 8 (no wonder I’m cranky).
So, how do you know when a relationship has run its course or if it’s a rough patch? I keep making pro/con lists in my head. I can’t decide if I’m afraid of losing him or the idea? I surely don’t want to see him with anything else but am I living my best life? Probably not.
I could ramble on and on, but really, what is the bottom line? Why are we all so afraid of failure? Living in a small town sure as hell doesn’t help. The gossip never ends around here. I hate it.
My kids know him. I don’t want kids to see guys coming and going, but since he’s hardly around, maybe that’s not the best example either. Rambling – that’s what you’re supposed to do in a blog right? Going for a walk to ponder – open to suggestions. The answer is likely clear to the rest of the world – why am I struggling with it?
